There are moments when God calls you to act. Sometimes it is to step out of your comfort zone and pray for someone out loud. Sometimes it is to give more generously at a time when the purse strings are tight. Sometimes it is to simply sit and be still and allow the Lord to work behind the scenes. Sometimes it means sending a text message or a note saying you are thinking of someone or praying for them. And then there are times like right now. This time, the Lord has called me to act in a way that defies all human forms of logic. He has called me to act in a way that to the outsider likely appears irresponsible. He has called me to move toward, and step into, a high level of discomfort and uncertainty when what I had before was security, steadiness and stability. The Lord has called me to jump and instead of showing me where I will land has simply said, "Trust me, I will catch you."
In a rather abrupt way, the Lord indicated to me that now was the time. It was time for me to walk away from the security of my job, my benefits and my paycheck into a deep sea of unknown. On the day that He very clearly spoke I had a sleepless night. Not a sleepless night that involves a fussy or hungry baby but a sleepless night in which I was actually wrestling with the will of God. When I say wrestling, it was more like God had me pinned, the ref was doing the final count, and I was debating whether or not I was going to try to fight back this round or swallow my pride and fully submit.
As a usual practice, when I can't sleep in the middle of the night, instead of counting sheep I say the Lord's prayer over and over. On this night, while I was reminding the Lord of all of my responsibilities, namely feeding my children and paying my bills, I decided to stop and say his prayer. When I got to the line, "give us this day our daily bread," the Lord stopped me. He simply said, "all you need is your daily bread. I will give you your daily bread."
For the past couple of years the Lord has been calling us to be good stewards with our finances and we have done our very best to listen. I admit, however, that I was creating an idol out of being debt free. Not only have I been obsessive about this goal, I had literally convinced myself that the Lord's plans for our lives would basically recommence once we achieved this goal. Everything I did was to further accomplish a safe financial position for our family while at the same time I seemed to be pressing the hold button on the rest of life.
And now here we are. We are carrying debt but called into the unknown. Still, as Angie Smith said in her Seamless study, "God is more powerful than the circumstance I am setting myself in."
I have now realized that my fear of walking in disobedience to God's will for my life is much stronger than my fear of discomfort. I am no longer willing to miss out on the good things that I know the Lord has in store for me and my family, whatever they may be, because I am afraid.
So here I am. Tomorrow is my last day at work. The end of a chapter. I am writing through this journey in order to honor God. I write now without knowing what is in store but I trust that it is good. I know that I serve a big God who has big plans but he was unwilling to show them to me until Jake and I said, "We are in. We trust you. We serve you above all else."
Yet again, the Lord has asked, "Am I enough? Am just I enough?" For those of you who know our testimony, sound familiar?
Yet again our answer is yes. Yes, Lord, just you are enough.
Heavenly Father, I sit at your feet today on the precipice of a journey that I haven't even dreamt about. I sit here with a fully devoted and supportive husband who is literally living out our vows with me. I sit here with two boys who I hope will see a mom and dad who actively live out what it means to trust God fully. Lord, today I choose to live the words I trust you. I choose to daily ask for your provision and I am excited to see what you have in store. Whatever it may be, I pray that you are honored and glorified through it. Thank you for your calling on my life. Thank you for your faithfulness. I know that you are about to begin an amazing adventure in our lives and I'm humbled that you've chosen us to serve you in it.