They say that the first step to building a dream is to talk about it. Dreaming itself has been challenging for me since we had our miscarriage five years ago. There is something about the poignancy of a reality unmet that can cause your heart to close off from dreaming because the act of hope is too painful. When a space where there was once hope gets filled with grief or disappointment, self protection and assuming a position of realism feels safest.
In 2022, through a lot of ups and downs and the birth of our daughter, God has shown me that his heart is for me to open again, hope again, and dream big. Ironically, he is re-awakening dreams that were given to Jake and I 8 years ago.
Dream One: As a result of life experiences, Jake and I are passionate about having a healthy marriage and encouraging people we know to reach for the same. We don’t want couples to just be married, we want to see couples thrive in partnership together. From the start of our marriage, we have committed to learning and growing together. I read the books, Jake talks through the concepts with me, and we prioritize our time and money into honey trips and marriage conferences to continually keep our marriage on track. Our goal is to always pursue a thriving marriage not just surviving one.
Dream Two: After having Camden, Jake was given a dream to teach young men trades and skills to empower them to provide for themselves as well as serve others. When Jake shared this with me, God gave me a word that we are to “raise a new generation of men.” This was only confirmed after the birth of our second son in 2016. Our heart is to encourage healthy masculinity in a world where it is under attack. Trust me, just writing that feels like I am asking for trouble. We want our sons to grow up in a world where they trust that their inherent nature is not wrong but a gift. We want them to be confident in their strength and abilities, as well as their gentleness and emotion.
While I could write so much more about the layers of those dreams, today, I want to write about something different. I want to write about the process of building a kingdom dream. It cannot be compared to anything else. You see, we were entrusted with these dreams 8 years ago and for the last seven have not been in a position of any kind to make them happen. We have simply been stewarding them and building upon them as the Lord gives more direction and glimpses into what they may look like.
Unbelievably, over the course of the last year, we have begun to sense a holy anticipation for what is to come. There is a spiritual momentum building that I can physically feel. And yet, I told Jake, that I almost feel suddenly paralyzed. I know that God is moving. I feel the momentum building. I can see the things he is putting together to cause these dreams to come to fruition. Regardless, we must approach them one step at a time, and now it feels as though I can’t move.
I’ll admit that I thought God would move on the young men mentorship dream before he moved on the marriage mentorship dream. After all, we are mid-thirty somethings who will be married 12 years in April. Don’t people expect to seek wisdom from the wise sages who have been married longest? Enter, imposter syndrome.
I believe that the best way for me to show how capable God is is to let you all into the process. I don’t want to just show up and look back and say, “look what God has done!” I want to start with, “Watch and see! Look what God is doing (in real time).” “Watch him take two fallible humans and make something incredible in HIS time.”
So this is step one. The step where I tell you, God is moving but I’m unbelievably nervous that things are finally happening. The step where he is encouraging us to move forward in marriage mentorship and I feel like an imposter. The step where I tell you that I feel unbelievably unqualified and still God is calling us. The step where I ask you to pray for my faith. Pray that I remember that God himself is the stirring, he is the anticipation, and aside from His spirit, none of this would be happening. Pray that my faith remembers that His ways are not our ways (so I shouldn’t be surprised) and His thoughts are not our thoughts (so it is ok for me to feel confused).
And finally, please pray that Jake and I don’t get in the way of letting God move. Pray that we have the courage to jump when God says “jump”, hold when he says “wait” and trust that His spirit in us, is capable of bringing lasting and positive change to marriages around us. Pray for God to ordain every step of this process, from development to funding, from execution to the miraculous!
I look forward to bringing you along and giving you a glimpse into behind the scenes of building kingdom dreams. Surprising things are bound to happen and I can’t wait to give God the glory for it all.
