If God takes you to Egypt, he will bring you back.

 Genesis 15:13 Then the Lord said to Abram, “You can be sure that your descendants will be strangers in a foreign land, where they will be oppressed as slaves for 400 years. But I will punish the nation that enslaves them, and in the end, they will come away with great wealth. (As for you, you will die in peace and be buried at a ripe old age.)”

I’ve been reading in the Old Testament and the connection between the story-line of Joseph and the statement made to Abraham about his descendants being in captivity for 400 years has me reeling.

Some backstory, Joseph was Abraham’s great-great-grandson. Abraham and Sarah had Isaac, Isaac and Rebekah had Jacob, Jacob and Rachel had Joseph. Granted, there were a bazillion other children in that same mix but I’m focusing on Joseph so stay with me.

Abraham & Sarah àIsaac (and Rebekah) à Jacob (and Rachel) à Joseph

Chew on this: Abraham and his family go on to have lots and lots of babies. The whole time, Abraham fully knows that his descendants will be slaves in captivity at some point. By the time his family ends up going to another land (Egypt), there are four generations established.

Do you think that in the back of his mind, Abraham always had this looming thought of the guaranteed captivity for his family? 

At the end of the story of Joseph we see that all his brothers and their very large families, come to Egypt so that Joseph can help take care of them during the famine. Genesis 46 tells us that Jacob set out for Egypt with all his possessions and family. 

Before Jacob agrees to go to Egypt, however, we see God himself call out to Jacob and say, “I am God, the God of your father,” the voice said. “Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for there I will make your family into a great nation. I will go with you down to Egypt, and I will bring you back again. You will die in Egypt, but Joseph will be with you to close your eyes.” Remember, Jacob was Abraham's grandson, and Joseph's father.

Jacob went based upon the promise of God. He also went because he desperately wanted to see his son Joseph again, whom he thought was dead.

Fast forward and we see that Joseph lived for 17 years after bringing his entire family to Egypt. In the scheme of how long people lived in Biblical times, this was a blink. He only had 17 years with the family that he missed for most of his life and still it was a gift.

We all know Joseph as the dreamer. He wore the colorful coat, had a dream that made his older brothers jealous, was sold into slavery, went to prison, and then eventually went to Egypt and helped millions of people. He helped these people because of his ability to dream and trust God. His life was blessed in every season, including being a slave and being jailed.

The last request that was made by Joseph was this, “When God comes to help you and lead you back, you must take my bones with you.” The tradition of sharing history has me convinced that Jacob had told Joseph about the "someday" captivity. I imagine that after seeing all the Egyptian people become slaves to Pharoah during the famine, Joseph could see the writing on the wall for his people before he died.

Let’s agree that Joseph was well aware of this guaranteed captivity for his people at some point.

Do you think that made him question the value of his dream?

Do you think it made him question the legitimacy of all the good he had done in the process of saving Egypt during a famine? I dare say, it didn’t.

Let’s talk about Jacob, Joseph’s father. He wanted to see his son again before he died. I think he also was aware of the captivity that his descendants would face.

Did it take away the joy in being reunited with his son even though it was in a different place than he expected? I don’t think so.

All day today I’ve been wondering why I couldn’t get this thought out of my head, but what about the upcoming captivity? They had to see it coming!

And I’ve finally just realized it.

DESPITE circumstances not always pointing to the best outcome, they still pursued reconciliation. 

DESPITE facing captivity, they still lived life. 

DESPITE knowing that moving from the land of their ancestors would be painful and dangerous, they pursued survival.

DESPITE being jailed, Joseph kept dreaming.

DESPITE thinking his son was dead, Jacob held hope.

What is keeping you from dreaming?
What is keeping you from reconciliation?
What is keeping you from living loved in this current moment of your life?

How do you need to fill in the blank? 

Despite _________________, I am going to continue dreaming/living/hoping.

If God’s people, only two to three generations removed from the promises made to Abraham could move forward in pursuing God’s will, continue to dream despite looming captivity, and move to unknown and foreign lands because God was with them, what is it that you need to have faith to do right now?

Do you need the faith to stay where you are? Even if it feels like jail.

Do you need the faith to go? Even if it feels scary.

We cannot discontinue living our life, seeking joy, doing good, or discounting our value, all because we don’t know how it will all work out. Instead, we need to cling to the words that God told Jacob, “I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will bring you back again.”

And finally, let's highlight 11 very important words that immediately followed the warning about captivity, "...and in the end, they will come away with great wealth."

In my head, the part guaranteeing captivity for 400 years sounds like a fog-horn. Maybe, though, after all this time thinking about this story, I've got it all wrong. And just like in a game of telephone, the most important part sticks. Maybe instead of emphasizing the captivity, they emphasized the promise! 

Instead of focusing on the hard parts - focus on the promises! 

If God takes you to Egypt, he will bring you back again. Don’t stop dreaming.

What's the point?

 Isaiah 55: 8-12

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s decree.

For as the sky soars high above the earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seeds for farmers and food for the hungry, so will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.

“So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.”

I’ve been quiet for a while now. I’ve been under the impression that being quiet is doing my faith and my family a favor. I’ve been quiet because there are so.many.voices everywhere and I feel as though I am doing people a favor in keeping my opinions and thoughts to myself. Who on earth needs another voice right now?

I’ve been quiet about all the ways that God has worked in our life because at some point, people must tire of it. I’ve been quiet because I’ve been reflecting and much of my reflection has caused me to feel a bit foolish.

Looking over the last five years of my life, a lot of change happened. Service happened, growth took place, shifts happened, losses happened, and lessons were learned that I know I personally needed. There were lessons learned in walking in obedience to wherever God led that hurt. Ultimately, I have been feeling as though my life looks no different now than it did before I began to walk in leaps of faith those years ago. Even though I know in my heart of hearts that every change, every shift, was prayerful and the direct result of moving when God said move, staying when he said stay and leaving when he said leave. Every job I have had is the result of a conversation over coffee, no formal interviews, no fancy resumes, just coffee. Only God can do that. Still, what was the point? How do people see God in my life if nothing really changed?

We are currently doing a study with some friends regarding Joseph’s life and when we got into discussion my voice trembled as I confessed that I am struggling to see the point in these last few years. It feels as though we are right back where we were when we started all of this. From outward appearances and by worldly standards, our life still looks the same it did then, if not less appealing. I admitted to feeling like I was Joseph in prison, forgotten, without seeing fruit of my journey. I’ll also be fully transparent in mentioning that, being pregnant, makes me worried about how much I lose myself in the first year of a new child’s life and while that is beautiful and a worthy sacrifice to make, historically speaking it tends to be a hard season for me.

My friends listened intently and let me express my feelings and then in grace moved forward into encouragement. As one person pointed out, without the last five years, I wouldn’t even know or be friends with any of the people sitting in that room. Another expressed that while it doesn’t seem comforting this side of heaven, she genuinely believes there are people who have been encouraged by my heart and transparency. These people have closely bore witness to every part of the last five years. Each one of them in that room knew us so well that they were able to say without a doubt that they know the genuine desire of my heart is to point people to Jesus and glorify God, no matter what. Even in my quiet season.

I haven’t been able to wrap my head around it, but I am humbled. I am humbled by the fact that God asked Jake and I to live unapologetically in pursuit of his will for our life that our now closest friends, are 100% able to name the deepest desire of my heart and remind me of it during a moment of disillusionment. I am grateful that these friends helped me to see things that I hadn’t realized. I am thankful for friends that see more pieces of the puzzle in my life than I do.

Perhaps you are like me right now and you are under the impression that there has not been any purpose in a particular season of your life. Perhaps you can’t see the forest through the trees. Where’s the fruit? What was the point? Life feels like it is going a bit backwards. Yet, today I have experienced a course correction in my view. Even if it is only 1 degree, it’s a shift and it is because of people in my life from a season that I didn’t think had any fruit. You see, once again Isaiah 55:8 rings true. God’s ways are not mine. His thoughts are not mine. I can’t begin to know or understand the reasons he has us walk the paths we walk, and the moment I decided to stop being “quiet” about what I am walking through with God, he brought people in to help me see things differently.

What if the fruit you’re looking for is not the kind that God has for you? As Ann Voskamp says, “God doesn’t call us to an impressive life – He calls us to an important one. A life of importance isn’t found in a life that’s impressive, but in a life that presses into the ways and heart of Jesus.”

This side of heaven, I may never know the reasons for each step God asked us to take but I know that if I shift the way I search for fruit, maybe I’ll find some. I need to stop looking for worldly fruit; status, notoriety, financial gain, titles and start to look for fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness. When I look back with these lenses, I see it. I see the lessons that led to patience and a gentler posture toward people. I see changes that led to more joy and peace.

As much as I have convinced myself that being quiet is helpful in some way, last night I learned that it isn’t doing me any favors. And maybe, just maybe, if I share my walk transparently, it might show someone else that we all don’t have to have it figured out because, like it or not, God does. Or better yet, sharing reveals some of the very best fruit of all: solid relationships forged in faith.

Here's to feeling foolish, investing in family, forging friendships, not having all the answers, and sharing our story even when it seems boring. May God be glorified in every little part of it, including every winding step through the forest.

Living Loved

Today is the first day in five years that I can say I have no external obligations vying for my attention, my efforts, my production, or my energy.

After 5 years, I stepped down from serving on the board of a non-profit that will forever have my heart. It was the last thing for me to release in terms of public service and volunteer activities after more than a year of letting things go. It was a difficult decision but it was necessary.

As I said to a friend, I feel completely untethered from expectations from anyone, anything, and any cause that was previously a part of my life. It is as though I am on the first page of a new chapter in my life and in my heart. I get to solely focus on my relationship with God, my family, and the work he has in my life. I am not a volunteer, board member, or leader in any capacity in this season and I’ve never felt more at peace.

Don’t get me wrong, I strongly support philanthropy, good causes, and service but within the last five years God has slowly revealed a sobering truth to my heart. I struggle with being a people pleaser. For the majority of my life, I have worried more about people’s opinions of me than God’s. I have found a large source of my identity in things that were never meant to be defining factors in the first place. Aside from the things I would “do” I didn’t know who I was. Even worse, the truth is that I did not believe I was worthy of love if I was not producing. I am still working to overcome this mindset.

This moment feels foreign, backwards almost. I am 35.

Shouldn’t I be most concerned with improving my community and the community that my family is a part of?

Shouldn’t I have a well-established resume and skillset used in a fast-pace forward moving industry?

Shouldn’t I be using my story to make a difference in the life of someone else?

The answer to all those questions above is yes. All those things are important; however, I have realized that I cannot continue to prioritize those things because I lost myself in the process.

Who am I if I am not a volunteer?

Who am I if I am not a leader?

Who am I if I am not (insert title)?

Who am I if I don't produce anything?

What value do I have to society if I don't have major outputs? 

From now on, how do I answer the question, what’s new in life? How are you? What are you guys up to these days?

Historically, after the typical, “we are good,” or “life is fine,” response, inevitably I would begin to highlight something I was doing in my life. I would mention some way that I felt I was producing, something that made me worthy of a person’s time or attention, some cause I was involved in that helped keep the world turning on its axis (ha!). Anything that would give a person the impression that I'm not lazy, (or unworthy of their time or conversation). 

So who am I?

The beauty of this season and this chapter is that in every part of it, I am me. I am learning that my giftings, skills, quirks, passions and worth won’t disappear if they are not being used in the capacity that I or the world expect them to be on display.

I am learning that there are people in my life who love me as a human ‘being’ not a human ‘doing.’

I am learning how to live loved, not earn love. 

Last Sunday at church, the worship lyric was “to love is to be loved.”

This morning, the verse of the day was Luke 6:43-45 and the portion that stood out the most was “You must begin with your own life-giving lives. It’s who you ARE, not what you say and do, that counts. Your true being brims over into true words and deeds.”

The only expectation I have in this moment is the expectation to experience God. The expectation that God will love me for my presence and not my productivity.

I want to learn and embody what it means to be valued and loved simply because I exist. I want to learn how to love my husband more like that. I want to love my kids more like that. I want to love others more like that.

In this next chapter of life, I pray love leads, and is received, from an overflow in my heart and I finally learn that I am worthy and valued just as God created me. Here comes a beautiful adventure!