My husband and I have recently walked through what felt like a long waiting period to hear back on some news. There were multiple delays during this process and during each delay, we would step back and say, "it's ok, we will wait. God is working on this."
We've come to a recent realization after this waiting period that while we thought that God would do work in the OTHER people as a result of this waiting process, he was actually causing delays and pauses in the process to do work in US, namely me. Ultimately, as a result, our marriage.
After thinking through this and being very much humbled, or hit in head with a spiritual 2x4, I realize that so many of us do this in our day to day lives. There are a lot of us out there that think we need to wait until the time is right, or we believe that God has delayed gratification on a desire in our lives due to the fact that OTHER people or circumstances need to be changed. Oh how foolish we humans can be.
After my run in with the spiritual 2x4, I have realized that more often than not, the Lord has brought delay, pain, or long processes in our lives because he needs to work IN US. It is not fun. It requires a lot of patience and most of the time I am finding out that I really have no choice in the matter. At the end of the day, if the Lord wants to do a work in my life, he will bring along or allow, any circumstance necessary until I do the heart work. For some people, this probably sounds a little harsh, maybe insensitive, and could cause some theological, "why does God allow pain?" questions.
I prefer to go the route of simple faith. I will not always know the answers, and I will not know the reasons that there is hurt here on earth. I do, however, trust that through difficult circumstances God proves faithful. This proof of faithfulness is only seen by those that actively choose to be in relationship with Him or it is seen through the lives of other people who believe.
Are you in a current period of waiting? Have you been hoping that the Lord will do a work in other people's lives in order to better your own? Or, are you praying for changes in someone else's heart? If so, I would challenge you today to take a look within you, pray through it and ask if the Lord is trying to show YOU something during this time.
At the end of the waiting process for my husband and I, I realized that I can have reckless spiritual abandon in supporting God's calling on his life, just like he has had for me. We BOTH now know that it can be hard, and worldly things can be distracting, but we believe in God's will for our family over our own. And we are beginning to feel like leaps of faith are our extreme sport of choice.
Most of you probably think, easy for you to say, Dana, God always shows up for you. Truthfully, and embarassingly, it's not easy. I still get distracted by things that I shouldn't and for the first time in our marriage, we fought, actively fought, because my heart was not ready to hear what God wanted me to hear.
For those of you in the trenches of waiting, trust me when I say that God has a purpose for this time. It may not show up in others, like you hope, but it most definitely will show up in personal spiritual growth and better yet, stronger relationships. Refinement in life is necessary and will always happen but it so much better when you take an active role.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Friday, November 3, 2017
The Float of Obedience
As most of you saw on my last post, I have been filled with a ton of gratitude lately while at the same time, lacking a lot of concrete direction in my life. In a recent conversation with someone I was discussing how, for the majority of my life, I have always had an audible relationship with the Lord. When he gives direction, I hear him speak and it is usually very clear. Lately though, I have felt as though the Lord is seemingly very quiet.
Something that I have come to realize is that when stepping in, faith can feel heavy, burdensome and confusing. Sounds fun, right? I think that a large part of the reason that I did not write a lot over the past year is because I do not want to paint God in a bad light. I have thought about and talked about how fulfilling and difficult it is to follow your calling with friends who are actively doing the same thing and there is an ever-present undertone of, should it be this hard?
Let me be clear in my continually developing thoughts on this, it is hard. It can feel as though you have completely lost yourself, your marbles, your logic but that is absolutely the whole point. Every single time I have come to the end of myself and my strength the Lord picked me up, talked me through it, and reminded me that this is NOT about MY strength. This is not about what I will be able to accomplish, it is about what He wants to accomplish through me.
I feel like I have lost myself at times because in reality, I have. I am constantly ridding myself of old, life-sucking habits, that do not produce fruit in me, my family, or God's kingdom. For some people this sounds torcherous, submissive, and weak. Why would I give up my dreams or hopes for something completely unknown? This is the day in age when we set a goal, go after it and achieve it. Why should we have to pause and pray about everything - let's just get things done! Everything should be in our control or within our power to accomplish but it is not. Releasing what I considered best for me has helped me to realize that I didn't even know what my best was. I wrote about a lot of the positive experiences that have come as a result of stepping into God's will but those came from a lot of introspection, meditation on God's will and lots of time in God's word.
I may not be at a stage in life where my material things reflect richness to the outside world but I hope that the joy within me shines brighter and is a visible example of that "something" different. Additionally, even during the times that I feel as though the Lord is distant and I am simply floating down the river of His will, He comes through through the voices of others. Never discount the spiritual wisdom of those you respect and trust within your life because they may be the very mouthpiece of the Lord during your most confusing times.
I realize that there are those that read what I write and don't believe what I believe. They don't belive that faith is worth giving up their dreams, comforts or luxuries and believe me when I say, I do not fault you for it. A walk into God's will and a relationship with Him is a personal choice. For me, that choice, that promise, has become the most life-giving, fulfilling, and rewarding journey of my life.
Today I would simply ask you, does your way fulfill you? Has it proved fruitful in all areas of your life, mind, body and soul? Or does it ever feel like there is something missing? If you feel like there is something missing, trust that there is someone out there pursuing your heart at all times. If you seek it, you will hear the knocking. Consider answering that knock. What do you have to lose? More importantly, what do you have to gain?
Something that I have come to realize is that when stepping in, faith can feel heavy, burdensome and confusing. Sounds fun, right? I think that a large part of the reason that I did not write a lot over the past year is because I do not want to paint God in a bad light. I have thought about and talked about how fulfilling and difficult it is to follow your calling with friends who are actively doing the same thing and there is an ever-present undertone of, should it be this hard?
Let me be clear in my continually developing thoughts on this, it is hard. It can feel as though you have completely lost yourself, your marbles, your logic but that is absolutely the whole point. Every single time I have come to the end of myself and my strength the Lord picked me up, talked me through it, and reminded me that this is NOT about MY strength. This is not about what I will be able to accomplish, it is about what He wants to accomplish through me.
I feel like I have lost myself at times because in reality, I have. I am constantly ridding myself of old, life-sucking habits, that do not produce fruit in me, my family, or God's kingdom. For some people this sounds torcherous, submissive, and weak. Why would I give up my dreams or hopes for something completely unknown? This is the day in age when we set a goal, go after it and achieve it. Why should we have to pause and pray about everything - let's just get things done! Everything should be in our control or within our power to accomplish but it is not. Releasing what I considered best for me has helped me to realize that I didn't even know what my best was. I wrote about a lot of the positive experiences that have come as a result of stepping into God's will but those came from a lot of introspection, meditation on God's will and lots of time in God's word.
I may not be at a stage in life where my material things reflect richness to the outside world but I hope that the joy within me shines brighter and is a visible example of that "something" different. Additionally, even during the times that I feel as though the Lord is distant and I am simply floating down the river of His will, He comes through through the voices of others. Never discount the spiritual wisdom of those you respect and trust within your life because they may be the very mouthpiece of the Lord during your most confusing times.
I realize that there are those that read what I write and don't believe what I believe. They don't belive that faith is worth giving up their dreams, comforts or luxuries and believe me when I say, I do not fault you for it. A walk into God's will and a relationship with Him is a personal choice. For me, that choice, that promise, has become the most life-giving, fulfilling, and rewarding journey of my life.
Today I would simply ask you, does your way fulfill you? Has it proved fruitful in all areas of your life, mind, body and soul? Or does it ever feel like there is something missing? If you feel like there is something missing, trust that there is someone out there pursuing your heart at all times. If you seek it, you will hear the knocking. Consider answering that knock. What do you have to lose? More importantly, what do you have to gain?
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
No matter the season, see the faithfulness
I have been asking the Lord how he would like me to process through everything that has happened in our lives over the past year and he keeps telling me to write.
I then realized that I have not written anything in a year. Interestingly enough, this year has been one of the most faith dependent and defining years of my life.
When I look back at other times in my life that I've had to depend on the Lord, I was always looking or waiting for a specific thing to happen. When it came to my relationship with Jake, I was waiting on the Lord to present us with some type of job opportunity that would bring us to the same town. When we were walking through infertility, clearly the hope was for a pregnancy and he came through. This year, however, I have simply stepped in to whatever it is I have felt him calling me to. It looks and feels entirely different. This year, I just keep on having to say, "Lord, whatever it is you have for me, I want it."
It sounds simple but it is incredibly hard. Terrifying most days but so very worth it.
In stepping in, God has helped me step away or distance myself from things or people that are not meant for this season. I say that because in this season, everything often sounds illogical, irresponsible, and downright crazy so it has been pertinent that I am surrounded by those that faithfully encourage the crazy and support the leaps of faith. For those of you that have encouraged us emotionally, materially, and even financially throughout this year, thank you for being conscious of the Holy Spirit and supportive of us pursuing the Lord - no matter what the cost.
I am aware of the people in our lives that fully understand that when God says do something, it is time to act and I am surrounded by a tribe of people who believe just as much in God's plans for good for us, and all of His children, as we do.
As I write this, I am still not clear as to where God is leading us and I am even more unclear as to what my particular role is in all of it.
Here is what I know for sure:
1. God has taken care of our family's financial needs in incredible, miraculous, and unexpected ways this entire year. There has not been one month that we have not been able to pay our bills, even during times of minimal to no income from me. (Thank you to those of you who have SO generously given in so many different ways. You are the literal hands and feet of Jesus in providing our daily bread)
*That proves to me that we are walking in the right direction.
2. I have been blessed with the very best partner in walking through our callings and I can see that marriages are made or broken during times like this. Jake has done as much, if not more, stepping in than I have. He can literally do and learn anything. Works endless hours and I have never been more convinced of my husband's love and support of me as an individual and of His absolute faith in God and God's plans for our life. He continues to become an incredible spiritual leader and man of God and I fall more and more in love with Him as a result of it.
*Thank you, Jesus, for being faithful in leading, guiding, and improving our marriage as a result of obedience.
3. When the Lord tells us not to worry, he actually means it. I believe this more and more every single day. He cares about things ranging from date nights, to clothes, to car care. (Thank you to friends who have invited us out or treated us. Thank you also to parents who have visibly seen our need to just focus on marriage and stepped in to watch kids. Thank you to anyone who has given us hand-me-down clothes or toys. They are so wonderful!)
While I don't think that most of you care to read through a thank you list of mine, I hope you see the point of all of this. Regardless of whether or not you have been called to the exact career and path you were made for or called simply to release things or relationships that are unhealthy, God will be faithful.
I've always known that I serve an incredible, powerful, and loving God but I guess there are times I am still surprised at his care and concern over every detail of my life.
Know this, you will encounter seasons of plenty and seasons of little but no matter the season, God is faithful to show up. Today I challenge you to search for and find a way that God has shown up. If you can't find something right away, keep looking, the smallest detail may prove the most meaningful proof of faithfulness.
I then realized that I have not written anything in a year. Interestingly enough, this year has been one of the most faith dependent and defining years of my life.
When I look back at other times in my life that I've had to depend on the Lord, I was always looking or waiting for a specific thing to happen. When it came to my relationship with Jake, I was waiting on the Lord to present us with some type of job opportunity that would bring us to the same town. When we were walking through infertility, clearly the hope was for a pregnancy and he came through. This year, however, I have simply stepped in to whatever it is I have felt him calling me to. It looks and feels entirely different. This year, I just keep on having to say, "Lord, whatever it is you have for me, I want it."
It sounds simple but it is incredibly hard. Terrifying most days but so very worth it.
In stepping in, God has helped me step away or distance myself from things or people that are not meant for this season. I say that because in this season, everything often sounds illogical, irresponsible, and downright crazy so it has been pertinent that I am surrounded by those that faithfully encourage the crazy and support the leaps of faith. For those of you that have encouraged us emotionally, materially, and even financially throughout this year, thank you for being conscious of the Holy Spirit and supportive of us pursuing the Lord - no matter what the cost.
I am aware of the people in our lives that fully understand that when God says do something, it is time to act and I am surrounded by a tribe of people who believe just as much in God's plans for good for us, and all of His children, as we do.
As I write this, I am still not clear as to where God is leading us and I am even more unclear as to what my particular role is in all of it.
Here is what I know for sure:
1. God has taken care of our family's financial needs in incredible, miraculous, and unexpected ways this entire year. There has not been one month that we have not been able to pay our bills, even during times of minimal to no income from me. (Thank you to those of you who have SO generously given in so many different ways. You are the literal hands and feet of Jesus in providing our daily bread)
*That proves to me that we are walking in the right direction.
2. I have been blessed with the very best partner in walking through our callings and I can see that marriages are made or broken during times like this. Jake has done as much, if not more, stepping in than I have. He can literally do and learn anything. Works endless hours and I have never been more convinced of my husband's love and support of me as an individual and of His absolute faith in God and God's plans for our life. He continues to become an incredible spiritual leader and man of God and I fall more and more in love with Him as a result of it.
*Thank you, Jesus, for being faithful in leading, guiding, and improving our marriage as a result of obedience.
3. When the Lord tells us not to worry, he actually means it. I believe this more and more every single day. He cares about things ranging from date nights, to clothes, to car care. (Thank you to friends who have invited us out or treated us. Thank you also to parents who have visibly seen our need to just focus on marriage and stepped in to watch kids. Thank you to anyone who has given us hand-me-down clothes or toys. They are so wonderful!)
While I don't think that most of you care to read through a thank you list of mine, I hope you see the point of all of this. Regardless of whether or not you have been called to the exact career and path you were made for or called simply to release things or relationships that are unhealthy, God will be faithful.
I've always known that I serve an incredible, powerful, and loving God but I guess there are times I am still surprised at his care and concern over every detail of my life.
Know this, you will encounter seasons of plenty and seasons of little but no matter the season, God is faithful to show up. Today I challenge you to search for and find a way that God has shown up. If you can't find something right away, keep looking, the smallest detail may prove the most meaningful proof of faithfulness.
Thursday, December 22, 2016
2016: The Year of Action
As the year is coming to a close an abundance of conversations that I have had in 2016 are flooding my mind. I have been surrounded by a group of incredible people who are actively walking through a year of movement. For many of us, we heard the Lord speak in 2014 or 2015 about plans that He has for our lives and for some reason 2016 has been the moment that He decided to say, "Go. My time is now," and we are listening.
2015 could be defined as a year of waiting and patience for me and my family. The Lord spoke and gave me indications that things would be changing in the future but 2015 was our calm before the storm. While we waited the Lord moved in big ways with our surprise second pregnancy and that time was spent taking care of me, our developing baby, and our household. We saved money, we paid down debt, and we prayed. Both Jake and I felt the Lord stirring in our hearts with regards to our jobs but the Lord kept us in a holding pattern. Then 2016 arrived.
Right before Grady arrived we decided to forego running our own business in exchange for a consistent schedule and paycheck for Jake. Grady arrived in April and then in September the Lord abruptly called me to act. It was time. It was time for me to follow His leading and the stirring that had so strongly taken hold. He was calling me to something new so we jumped. We jumped into the unknown in a big way and you know the rest of that story at this point.
Even more interestingly, in the past 12 weeks I have been surrounded by a community of women who have also been called to action. For some of them this has been a long time coming, for others, it was a shock to the system and the Lord is calling them to simply trust. I have gotten the opportunity to witness behind the scenes movement of the Holy Spirit in the lives of so many that I can comfortably say that 2016 has been a challenging year. I can only imagine that this means that big and holy things are in store for 2017!
God's people are on the move. They are moving on behalf of their family, they are moving on behalf of their children, they are moving on behalf of their health, they are moving on behalf of their community, they are moving on behalf of God. These are people walking through times of uncertainty, times where the only guarantee they have is that the Lord is for them. For many of us, the only thing that we can count on is our faith. And can I tell you something? These people are bold and confident in our God. We know that because God is for us, no one can be against us. No one.
I am inspired every single day by these people. They challenge me to be bolder, stronger and more passionate about what the Lord is doing in my life. God's people are under pursuit. He created us, He has chosen us, He has equipped us and now He wants to use us. His time is now and it is our time to show up.
Today I write because I feel that someone needs to hear this. Someone needs to know that they are not alone in being called to big, important, holy things. 2016 has been a year of action but more importantly, it has been a year of obedience. Blind obedience.
Is the Lord calling you to something? Can you feel him doing the heavy heart work within you? If so, trust him. Trust that he has your very best in store. Trust that he has HIS very best in store for you.
I know in my heart there are others like us who have heard and know that God has called us to bigger things. He has planted the seeds over the past couple of days, weeks, months or years, and now he wants to see them grow.
Today I challenge you to be bold. Know that God is for you. Know that He has walked your upcoming path and He is defeating the opposition. He gave his life, are you ready to give yours?
Our time is now. For God's sake, move.
2015 could be defined as a year of waiting and patience for me and my family. The Lord spoke and gave me indications that things would be changing in the future but 2015 was our calm before the storm. While we waited the Lord moved in big ways with our surprise second pregnancy and that time was spent taking care of me, our developing baby, and our household. We saved money, we paid down debt, and we prayed. Both Jake and I felt the Lord stirring in our hearts with regards to our jobs but the Lord kept us in a holding pattern. Then 2016 arrived.
Right before Grady arrived we decided to forego running our own business in exchange for a consistent schedule and paycheck for Jake. Grady arrived in April and then in September the Lord abruptly called me to act. It was time. It was time for me to follow His leading and the stirring that had so strongly taken hold. He was calling me to something new so we jumped. We jumped into the unknown in a big way and you know the rest of that story at this point.
Even more interestingly, in the past 12 weeks I have been surrounded by a community of women who have also been called to action. For some of them this has been a long time coming, for others, it was a shock to the system and the Lord is calling them to simply trust. I have gotten the opportunity to witness behind the scenes movement of the Holy Spirit in the lives of so many that I can comfortably say that 2016 has been a challenging year. I can only imagine that this means that big and holy things are in store for 2017!
God's people are on the move. They are moving on behalf of their family, they are moving on behalf of their children, they are moving on behalf of their health, they are moving on behalf of their community, they are moving on behalf of God. These are people walking through times of uncertainty, times where the only guarantee they have is that the Lord is for them. For many of us, the only thing that we can count on is our faith. And can I tell you something? These people are bold and confident in our God. We know that because God is for us, no one can be against us. No one.
I am inspired every single day by these people. They challenge me to be bolder, stronger and more passionate about what the Lord is doing in my life. God's people are under pursuit. He created us, He has chosen us, He has equipped us and now He wants to use us. His time is now and it is our time to show up.
Today I write because I feel that someone needs to hear this. Someone needs to know that they are not alone in being called to big, important, holy things. 2016 has been a year of action but more importantly, it has been a year of obedience. Blind obedience.
Is the Lord calling you to something? Can you feel him doing the heavy heart work within you? If so, trust him. Trust that he has your very best in store. Trust that he has HIS very best in store for you.
I know in my heart there are others like us who have heard and know that God has called us to bigger things. He has planted the seeds over the past couple of days, weeks, months or years, and now he wants to see them grow.
Today I challenge you to be bold. Know that God is for you. Know that He has walked your upcoming path and He is defeating the opposition. He gave his life, are you ready to give yours?
Our time is now. For God's sake, move.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Enough
As part of my new job, I was asked to give my testimony to a group of women. Some of the women know me well and others are basically strangers. To think through your own personal testimony in order to present it to such a dynamic group of people takes a lot of consideration, humility and oppenness to the Holy Spirit leading you.
As I prayed through it over a few weeks, one word continued to flash in my mind. Enough.
In each of the large moments of my faith walk God has used that word in one way or another to challenge me, prompt me, converse with me, or convict me.
My first big trust move was trusting God when He told me to take a break in my relationship with Jake. He simply said, "Release him to me. I love you enough." We went on a break and here we are now.
The next move was taking a job in central Illinois just minutes away from Jake's hometown when we were on above mentioned "break" and God said, "do you trust my plan enough?" Here I am living in central Illinois and raising my sons in the same county Jake grew up in. To top it off, my parents now have a home less than a mile down the road from us.
After marriage we walked through infertility and God simply said, "am I enough? Am just I, enough?" Time and time again we told the Lord he was enough. Infertility became a cross to bear and a way to minister and reach out to others. As a result, we have our beautiful son, Camden, and in the future this walk is going to provide an opportunity for generosity that right now we can barely wrap our heads around.
After infertility we became unexpectedly, naturally pregnant, and God asked, "is my healing enough?" I had to actively release infertility as my main cross to bear in order to fully walk in the grace and miracle of our second pregnancy with Grady. God moved in my heart and told me that I would love this son just as much as Camden, even though their pregnancy journeys were entirely different and taught different lessons.
When it came time to leave my job just recently God asked me, "do you trust me enough?" He called me to step out in full faith and without a safety net. Within the weeks after leaving my job He revealed to me, and the Holy Spirit moved in awesome and powerful ways to bring me to what I am doing now.
It has taken walking by faith on a daily basis to trust that God will provide for our needs but as I have written before, I didn't realize what an incredible root money and materials had within me until now.
For a SHORT time, I have struggled with what it means to live paycheck to paycheck, to not be able to buy my kids the things that they need right away, and to figure out any and every way possible we can cut monthly costs and reduce debt.
Yesterday, I woke up in my warm bed, fed my kids breakfast from a small array of OPTIONS of food they had for breakfast, changed into a clean pair of clothes, and sat in my living room while my kids played with their numerous toys and had the audacity to sit, mope, and feel sorry for us.
Since walking away from my career I have had the spectrum of emotions from pure joy to doubt to uncertainty to guilt.
In talking with Jake last night I admitted that my stress doesn't come from money being tight or a lack of usual finances, my stress comes as a result of my guilt. I feel guilty that I made the conscientious choice to make my family walk through this hard time because I chose God's will. It felt like there was a level of unfairness in it all.
Jake's response and the reason he has my heart was, "honey, we don't have it hard. We have so much compared to so many people in the world. This is not hard. We are fine."
Yesterday afternoon God also put in my path a documentary on Hillsong UNITED called the I Heart Revolution, which showed what REAL hardship looks like.
By the end of my woe is me day God said one word, "Enough."
This time it was said in a parental tone with the underlying message of, I am tired of your complaining. I am tired of your doubt. I know you see what I am doing almost every day. You are not suffering. I will give you enough.
I can't help but take this into the Christmas season and keep saying it to myself over and over again. All of it.
I love you enough.
His plan is enough.
He is enough.
His healing is enough.
I trust Him enough.
We have enough.
May these words speak to you in the way they need to this Christmas season and may you know and trust that Jesus is enough. Always and forever. Enough.
As I prayed through it over a few weeks, one word continued to flash in my mind. Enough.
In each of the large moments of my faith walk God has used that word in one way or another to challenge me, prompt me, converse with me, or convict me.
My first big trust move was trusting God when He told me to take a break in my relationship with Jake. He simply said, "Release him to me. I love you enough." We went on a break and here we are now.
The next move was taking a job in central Illinois just minutes away from Jake's hometown when we were on above mentioned "break" and God said, "do you trust my plan enough?" Here I am living in central Illinois and raising my sons in the same county Jake grew up in. To top it off, my parents now have a home less than a mile down the road from us.
After marriage we walked through infertility and God simply said, "am I enough? Am just I, enough?" Time and time again we told the Lord he was enough. Infertility became a cross to bear and a way to minister and reach out to others. As a result, we have our beautiful son, Camden, and in the future this walk is going to provide an opportunity for generosity that right now we can barely wrap our heads around.
After infertility we became unexpectedly, naturally pregnant, and God asked, "is my healing enough?" I had to actively release infertility as my main cross to bear in order to fully walk in the grace and miracle of our second pregnancy with Grady. God moved in my heart and told me that I would love this son just as much as Camden, even though their pregnancy journeys were entirely different and taught different lessons.
When it came time to leave my job just recently God asked me, "do you trust me enough?" He called me to step out in full faith and without a safety net. Within the weeks after leaving my job He revealed to me, and the Holy Spirit moved in awesome and powerful ways to bring me to what I am doing now.
It has taken walking by faith on a daily basis to trust that God will provide for our needs but as I have written before, I didn't realize what an incredible root money and materials had within me until now.
For a SHORT time, I have struggled with what it means to live paycheck to paycheck, to not be able to buy my kids the things that they need right away, and to figure out any and every way possible we can cut monthly costs and reduce debt.
Yesterday, I woke up in my warm bed, fed my kids breakfast from a small array of OPTIONS of food they had for breakfast, changed into a clean pair of clothes, and sat in my living room while my kids played with their numerous toys and had the audacity to sit, mope, and feel sorry for us.
Since walking away from my career I have had the spectrum of emotions from pure joy to doubt to uncertainty to guilt.
In talking with Jake last night I admitted that my stress doesn't come from money being tight or a lack of usual finances, my stress comes as a result of my guilt. I feel guilty that I made the conscientious choice to make my family walk through this hard time because I chose God's will. It felt like there was a level of unfairness in it all.
Jake's response and the reason he has my heart was, "honey, we don't have it hard. We have so much compared to so many people in the world. This is not hard. We are fine."
Yesterday afternoon God also put in my path a documentary on Hillsong UNITED called the I Heart Revolution, which showed what REAL hardship looks like.
By the end of my woe is me day God said one word, "Enough."
This time it was said in a parental tone with the underlying message of, I am tired of your complaining. I am tired of your doubt. I know you see what I am doing almost every day. You are not suffering. I will give you enough.
I can't help but take this into the Christmas season and keep saying it to myself over and over again. All of it.
I love you enough.
His plan is enough.
He is enough.
His healing is enough.
I trust Him enough.
We have enough.
May these words speak to you in the way they need to this Christmas season and may you know and trust that Jesus is enough. Always and forever. Enough.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Let Your Heart Break
Broken heart
noun
despair; disillusionment; devastating sorrow, especially from disappointment
In my personal experience, a broken heart has never been something I chose. The pain that has to be endured and walked through during heart break can feel so burdensome, so heavy, so uncomfortable and so unexpected that it makes you want to run away, hide, cower, and even deny it exists.
Right now, my heart is breaking on a daily basis. The Lord has my family actively walking through a time in our lives that is stretching me and pulling my soul and heart in such extreme directions that at moments, I want to run away from it all.
I didn't realize what I was getting myself into once I said, "Here I am, Lord." God is walking me through a season of dependence on Him that I've never been through before. He is waking up the deepest part of my soul. Some of you may wonder why I've chosen this. Why would I choose to submit and release all of my comforts, desires and aspirations to God? Why would I make my family walk through this?
My eyes are being opened to things I never saw, felt or acknowledged before. My heart is breaking. It is breaking into a million little pieces for a million different reasons. It is breaking for the well off, the comfortable, the lacking, the poor, the sinful, the prideful, the moms, the dads, the children, the Christians, the lost, the educated, the uneducated, the abused, the healed, strangers, friends and family members. My soul is developing so much strength that I can almost feel it crawling out of my skin because I am getting so filled with love and compassion for all of God's children. My heart is pounding fiercely in my chest on a daily basis and I am barely scratching the tip of the iceberg of what it means to really need God and trust in His plan. But you guys, can I just tell you that if my heart break is any indication of what God feels when He looks at his lost children, oh man! Oh how He loves us, oh how He longs for us to seek Him and know Him. His heart is hurting for you. His heart is bursting at the seams for each of us.
All of this is absolutely WRECKING me. I am literally being emptied of myself and filling up on the well of Jesus Christ. His heart is breaking my heart for his children. He is breaking my heart for this city, this state, this country.
In a week where so many people are feeling heart broken and lost, I am praying for you. I am praying that you begin to find direction not in man but in the hope of our one true Savior, Jesus. Come to his altar that is filled with hope and love and direction and purpose. Come to a place where your eyes are opened to the needs of the people around you. So many people have said that they are willing to be the changes that need to be made in the coming days, months and years and it is inspiring but can I challenge you to do something? Let your heart continue to break. Walk in that despair, the disillusionment, the devastating sorrow and your disappointment but don't push it away. Use it. Use it to empathize and brainstorm. Let your eyes be opened to the needs around you. Let your heart break for those who need it.
As we approach the holiday season, hold onto that heart break and let it strengthen you from the inside out. Let it challenge you to stretch yourself and your openness. In the rawness of recent heart break it is easy to say things and make commitments to be better but sometimes in our vulnerability we pull it back together and shy away from doing the hard and heavy stuff because we don't want to continue to hurt or feel discomfort. Don't shy away from it. Again I say, walk through it and work through it.
In the very best way, my heart is breaking for you, friend and stranger. I pray that you get a sense of what it means to hurt and use it to heal. Do good. Love your fellow man but don't try to do it on your own. Seek help, seek Him.
"Difficulties and mistakes will either devastate our faith or they will stimulate growth and maturity. The positive differences come when we humbly seek God's help, whatever the situation. Trials that tempt us to turn away from God should, instead, spur us to turn toward God." Chronological Life Application Study Bible, page 788.
noun
despair; disillusionment; devastating sorrow, especially from disappointment
In my personal experience, a broken heart has never been something I chose. The pain that has to be endured and walked through during heart break can feel so burdensome, so heavy, so uncomfortable and so unexpected that it makes you want to run away, hide, cower, and even deny it exists.
Right now, my heart is breaking on a daily basis. The Lord has my family actively walking through a time in our lives that is stretching me and pulling my soul and heart in such extreme directions that at moments, I want to run away from it all.
I didn't realize what I was getting myself into once I said, "Here I am, Lord." God is walking me through a season of dependence on Him that I've never been through before. He is waking up the deepest part of my soul. Some of you may wonder why I've chosen this. Why would I choose to submit and release all of my comforts, desires and aspirations to God? Why would I make my family walk through this?
My eyes are being opened to things I never saw, felt or acknowledged before. My heart is breaking. It is breaking into a million little pieces for a million different reasons. It is breaking for the well off, the comfortable, the lacking, the poor, the sinful, the prideful, the moms, the dads, the children, the Christians, the lost, the educated, the uneducated, the abused, the healed, strangers, friends and family members. My soul is developing so much strength that I can almost feel it crawling out of my skin because I am getting so filled with love and compassion for all of God's children. My heart is pounding fiercely in my chest on a daily basis and I am barely scratching the tip of the iceberg of what it means to really need God and trust in His plan. But you guys, can I just tell you that if my heart break is any indication of what God feels when He looks at his lost children, oh man! Oh how He loves us, oh how He longs for us to seek Him and know Him. His heart is hurting for you. His heart is bursting at the seams for each of us.
All of this is absolutely WRECKING me. I am literally being emptied of myself and filling up on the well of Jesus Christ. His heart is breaking my heart for his children. He is breaking my heart for this city, this state, this country.
In a week where so many people are feeling heart broken and lost, I am praying for you. I am praying that you begin to find direction not in man but in the hope of our one true Savior, Jesus. Come to his altar that is filled with hope and love and direction and purpose. Come to a place where your eyes are opened to the needs of the people around you. So many people have said that they are willing to be the changes that need to be made in the coming days, months and years and it is inspiring but can I challenge you to do something? Let your heart continue to break. Walk in that despair, the disillusionment, the devastating sorrow and your disappointment but don't push it away. Use it. Use it to empathize and brainstorm. Let your eyes be opened to the needs around you. Let your heart break for those who need it.
As we approach the holiday season, hold onto that heart break and let it strengthen you from the inside out. Let it challenge you to stretch yourself and your openness. In the rawness of recent heart break it is easy to say things and make commitments to be better but sometimes in our vulnerability we pull it back together and shy away from doing the hard and heavy stuff because we don't want to continue to hurt or feel discomfort. Don't shy away from it. Again I say, walk through it and work through it.
In the very best way, my heart is breaking for you, friend and stranger. I pray that you get a sense of what it means to hurt and use it to heal. Do good. Love your fellow man but don't try to do it on your own. Seek help, seek Him.
"Difficulties and mistakes will either devastate our faith or they will stimulate growth and maturity. The positive differences come when we humbly seek God's help, whatever the situation. Trials that tempt us to turn away from God should, instead, spur us to turn toward God." Chronological Life Application Study Bible, page 788.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Payday
Monday was the first payday in 10 years on which I did not
receive a paycheck. To say that it is a
humbling experience is an understatement.
In the past few weeks I have been battling intense spiritual
warfare on all fronts both directly and indirectly. Foundational aspects of my life are being
shaken in large and rippling ways yet The Lord remains constant.
Indirect spiritual warfare aside, the Lord is digging deep
within me to see how much I trust in
Him to provide our daily bread. Here’s the thing, I know that I am walking
SMACK DAB in the middle of God’s calling on my life. He has not only worked so obviously in my
life but The Lord has literally placed me
on the hearts of others and spoken to them about my life. They in turn have spoken into my life. Can you grasp the depth of that? There are times that I can hardly believe the
power of the Holy Spirit. I would say it
is like magic but it is far better than that.
It is almost unfathomable that the God who created heaven and earth
cares so much about me that he literally stirs within the hearts of others to
bless my life and provide encouragement, direction and wisdom.
Yet here I am once again, working on unearthing my idols
that I didn’t realize were in my heart. I
am sitting in a position that I never would have imagined before. I am getting a taste of what it means to
consolidate errands, prioritize items on a grocery list from necessary to “luxury”
and literally passing on eating certain items that I know my kids enjoy more
than I do, namely bananas J,
in an effort to save money. What makes
this so humbling is that I chose this. I
chose to walk away from a lucrative career in order to walk in God’s will. And honestly, a lot of days I deeply wrestle
with it. I question God’s plan for my
life and family when I feel like my family’s care and provision are at risk
(even though I know in my heart they are not).
Hear my heart and trust me when I say this, my God can
provide far beyond my wildest dreams and show up in ways that I least expect –
I know He is for me. My intention for writing
during this is not pity but as always, I want to be transparent. I will tell you that walking through this has
enlarged my heart and deepened my compassion and sympathy for people who have
to walk through this day after day, month after month. I share this part of our journey because
ironically the biggest thing I’m learning now is what it really means to
sacrificially give, what it means to provide for my children, what it means to
bless them and others, and what it means to fully trust in God’s
provision. I don’t think that it is
coincidence that we are walking through this and being refined right before the
holiday season, a time when presents are often held above presence. This will not be a Christmas of excess in our
household. It will be a Christmas of
minimalism and focus on the reason and the true gift that we have received,
God’s son.
I know that I would not have had this personal awakening had
this not been my choice. Even still,
even during my wrestling, there have been more than a handful of moments when
God showed up to provide encouragement.
Just in the past two days the Lord has lead people to reach out to me
and tell me that I am on their hearts. I
know that I have an army of prayer warriors who are supporting me and seeking
the Lord’s will on my behalf. They are
intercessing spiritually when I am weak and show such genuine excitement to see
what the Lord is going to work out that it reignites my passion and excitement
for walking in the Lord’s will. God’s
word is living and active and speaks into me on a daily basis and continues to
provide the words I need to step forward in faith.
As stated earlier, I don’t write this for pity or sympathy but
I write to say just wait and see what the Lord is capable of! This lesson in humility that the Lord is
calling me to walk through is humbling to the deepest part of my core. It is my mission to humbly show that God is
real, He is always present and He always shows up and He is always enough. We will not walk through this season in vain;
His praise will ever be on my lips.
2 Kings 7:19 New International Version
The king’s officer had replied, “That couldn’t happen even
if the Lord opened the windows of heaven!” And the man of God had said, “You
will see it happen with your own eyes, but you won’t be able to eat any of it!”
Commentary taken from Chronological Life
Application Study Bible, 2nd ed., 2004
2 Kgs 7:19-20
God, not worthless idols, provides our daily food. Although our faith may be weak or very small,
we must avoid becoming skeptical of God’s provision. When our resources are low and our doubts are
the strongest, remember that God can open the floodgates of heaven.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)