Wednesday, April 13, 2022

What's the point?

 Isaiah 55: 8-12

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s decree.

For as the sky soars high above the earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seeds for farmers and food for the hungry, so will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.

“So you’ll go out in joy, you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.”

I’ve been quiet for a while now. I’ve been under the impression that being quiet is doing my faith and my family a favor. I’ve been quiet because there are so.many.voices everywhere and I feel as though I am doing people a favor in keeping my opinions and thoughts to myself. Who on earth needs another voice right now?

I’ve been quiet about all the ways that God has worked in our life because at some point, people must tire of it. I’ve been quiet because I’ve been reflecting and much of my reflection has caused me to feel a bit foolish.

Looking over the last five years of my life, a lot of change happened. Service happened, growth took place, shifts happened, losses happened, and lessons were learned that I know I personally needed. There were lessons learned in walking in obedience to wherever God led that hurt. Ultimately, I have been feeling as though my life looks no different now than it did before I began to walk in leaps of faith those years ago. Even though I know in my heart of hearts that every change, every shift, was prayerful and the direct result of moving when God said move, staying when he said stay and leaving when he said leave. Every job I have had is the result of a conversation over coffee, no formal interviews, no fancy resumes, just coffee. Only God can do that. Still, what was the point? How do people see God in my life if nothing really changed?

We are currently doing a study with some friends regarding Joseph’s life and when we got into discussion my voice trembled as I confessed that I am struggling to see the point in these last few years. It feels as though we are right back where we were when we started all of this. From outward appearances and by worldly standards, our life still looks the same it did then, if not less appealing. I admitted to feeling like I was Joseph in prison, forgotten, without seeing fruit of my journey. I’ll also be fully transparent in mentioning that, being pregnant, makes me worried about how much I lose myself in the first year of a new child’s life and while that is beautiful and a worthy sacrifice to make, historically speaking it tends to be a hard season for me.

My friends listened intently and let me express my feelings and then in grace moved forward into encouragement. As one person pointed out, without the last five years, I wouldn’t even know or be friends with any of the people sitting in that room. Another expressed that while it doesn’t seem comforting this side of heaven, she genuinely believes there are people who have been encouraged by my heart and transparency. These people have closely bore witness to every part of the last five years. Each one of them in that room knew us so well that they were able to say without a doubt that they know the genuine desire of my heart is to point people to Jesus and glorify God, no matter what. Even in my quiet season.

I haven’t been able to wrap my head around it, but I am humbled. I am humbled by the fact that God asked Jake and I to live unapologetically in pursuit of his will for our life that our now closest friends, are 100% able to name the deepest desire of my heart and remind me of it during a moment of disillusionment. I am grateful that these friends helped me to see things that I hadn’t realized. I am thankful for friends that see more pieces of the puzzle in my life than I do.

Perhaps you are like me right now and you are under the impression that there has not been any purpose in a particular season of your life. Perhaps you can’t see the forest through the trees. Where’s the fruit? What was the point? Life feels like it is going a bit backwards. Yet, today I have experienced a course correction in my view. Even if it is only 1 degree, it’s a shift and it is because of people in my life from a season that I didn’t think had any fruit. You see, once again Isaiah 55:8 rings true. God’s ways are not mine. His thoughts are not mine. I can’t begin to know or understand the reasons he has us walk the paths we walk, and the moment I decided to stop being “quiet” about what I am walking through with God, he brought people in to help me see things differently.

What if the fruit you’re looking for is not the kind that God has for you? As Ann Voskamp says, “God doesn’t call us to an impressive life – He calls us to an important one. A life of importance isn’t found in a life that’s impressive, but in a life that presses into the ways and heart of Jesus.”

This side of heaven, I may never know the reasons for each step God asked us to take but I know that if I shift the way I search for fruit, maybe I’ll find some. I need to stop looking for worldly fruit; status, notoriety, financial gain, titles and start to look for fruit like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness. When I look back with these lenses, I see it. I see the lessons that led to patience and a gentler posture toward people. I see changes that led to more joy and peace.

As much as I have convinced myself that being quiet is helpful in some way, last night I learned that it isn’t doing me any favors. And maybe, just maybe, if I share my walk transparently, it might show someone else that we all don’t have to have it figured out because, like it or not, God does. Or better yet, sharing reveals some of the very best fruit of all: solid relationships forged in faith.

Here's to feeling foolish, investing in family, forging friendships, not having all the answers, and sharing our story even when it seems boring. May God be glorified in every little part of it, including every winding step through the forest.

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