Most people don't know that during my junior year of high school I was severely depressed and suicidal.
I vividly remember driving down route 83 one night and all I thought about was how badly I wanted to speed up as fast as possible and drive my car into the median of the highway in hopes that the crash would kill me on impact. The only reason I didn't act on this desire was because my younger brother, Stevie, was sitting in the passenger seat next to me and I didn't want to kill him, just myself. After all, he was only 13.
That is when I knew I needed help. That night I came home, sat down at the kitchen table and told my mom and dad we needed to talk. I told them exactly what I wanted to do when I was driving, why I didn't do it, and that I needed to see someone, tomorrow. Not in two days, not next week, the very next day.
It wasn't an accident or a coincidence that my younger brother was in the seat next to me. God placed him there at that moment to save my life.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can beat. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Ever since I sought counseling and was healed of that depression, my entire outlook on life changed.
Those closest to me know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, I try to be as honest as possible and I try my very best not to sweat the small stuff. I know that at times my words/advice/input may not be welcome but at least I know I've been heard.
During my depression I withdrew. I withdrew from family, from friends, from activities, from life. I convinced myself that no one cared. I wholeheartedly believed that no one would miss me or notice if I was gone.
Praise God that I was healed from this sickness. Some people don't experience that healing.
The reason I am so vocal about my faith, my beliefs, and my hope is because at one point I almost lost all of it. My God is the reason I am here and alive.
It is through platforms such as this blog that I share my hope, struggles and the things God teaches me. I do this so I can feel heard. I don't know everyone who has come across my blog or who it has impacted but I know in some way, shape, or form, God is being heard through these words.
I will never again allow the Devil the opportunity to tell me no one cares, I don't make a difference, and no one would notice if I was gone. I vow to make my moments count and use these words as a way to honor my God. It doesn't come easily. It takes daily effort but Hebrews 10:23 reminds us to "hold fast to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful" and that is all I need to know.
If there is anyone who reads this that is struggling and doesn't feel heard, reach out! Reach out to me, to someone close to you...reach out to the Lord. Please know that there is someone who will listen, who will hear you. Don't ever let the Devil convince you that you are not worth being heard. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, this struggle is "common to man", you are not alone. There are people who understand and have been there. Let God provide you a way out.
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