In the past few weeks I have been battling intense spiritual warfare on all fronts both directly and indirectly. Foundational aspects of my life are being shaken in large and rippling ways yet The Lord remains constant.
Indirect spiritual warfare aside, the Lord is digging deep within me to see how much I trust in
Him to provide our daily bread. Here’s the thing, I know that I am walking SMACK DAB in the middle of God’s calling on my life. He has not only worked so obviously in my life but The Lord has literally placed me on the hearts of others and spoken to them about my life. They in turn have spoken into my life. Can you grasp the depth of that? There are times that I can hardly believe the power of the Holy Spirit. I would say it is like magic but it is far better than that. It is almost unfathomable that the God who created heaven and earth cares so much about me that he literally stirs within the hearts of others to bless my life and provide encouragement, direction and wisdom.
Yet here I am once again, working on unearthing my idols that I didn’t realize were in my heart. I am sitting in a position that I never would have imagined before. I am getting a taste of what it means to consolidate errands, prioritize items on a grocery list from necessary to “luxury” and literally passing on eating certain items that I know my kids enjoy more than I do, namely bananas J, in an effort to save money. What makes this so humbling is that I chose this. I chose to walk away from a lucrative career in order to walk in God’s will. And honestly, a lot of days I deeply wrestle with it. I question God’s plan for my life and family when I feel like my family’s care and provision are at risk (even though I know in my heart they are not).
Hear my heart and trust me when I say this, my God can provide far beyond my wildest dreams and show up in ways that I least expect – I know He is for me. My intention for writing during this is not pity but as always, I want to be transparent. I will tell you that walking through this has enlarged my heart and deepened my compassion and sympathy for people who have to walk through this day after day, month after month. I share this part of our journey because ironically the biggest thing I’m learning now is what it really means to sacrificially give, what it means to provide for my children, what it means to bless them and others, and what it means to fully trust in God’s provision. I don’t think that it is coincidence that we are walking through this and being refined right before the holiday season, a time when presents are often held above presence. This will not be a Christmas of excess in our household. It will be a Christmas of minimalism and focus on the reason and the true gift that we have received, God’s son.
I know that I would not have had this personal awakening had this not been my choice. Even still, even during my wrestling, there have been more than a handful of moments when God showed up to provide encouragement. Just in the past two days the Lord has lead people to reach out to me and tell me that I am on their hearts. I know that I have an army of prayer warriors who are supporting me and seeking the Lord’s will on my behalf. They are intercessing spiritually when I am weak and show such genuine excitement to see what the Lord is going to work out that it reignites my passion and excitement for walking in the Lord’s will. God’s word is living and active and speaks into me on a daily basis and continues to provide the words I need to step forward in faith.
As stated earlier, I don’t write this for pity or sympathy but I write to say just wait and see what the Lord is capable of! This lesson in humility that the Lord is calling me to walk through is humbling to the deepest part of my core. It is my mission to humbly show that God is real, He is always present and He always shows up and He is always enough. We will not walk through this season in vain; His praise will ever be on my lips.
2 Kings 7:19 New International Version
The king’s officer had replied, “That couldn’t happen even if the Lord opened the windows of heaven!” And the man of God had said, “You will see it happen with your own eyes, but you won’t be able to eat any of it!”
Commentary taken from Chronological Life Application Study Bible, 2nd ed., 2004
2 Kgs 7:19-20
God, not worthless idols, provides our daily food. Although our faith may be weak or very small, we must avoid becoming skeptical of God’s provision. When our resources are low and our doubts are the strongest, remember that God can open the floodgates of heaven.