I have been asking the Lord how he would like me to process through everything that has happened in our lives over the past year and he keeps telling me to write.
I then realized that I have not written anything in a year. Interestingly enough, this year has been one of the most faith dependent and defining years of my life.
When I look back at other times in my life that I've had to depend on the Lord, I was always looking or waiting for a specific thing to happen. When it came to my relationship with Jake, I was waiting on the Lord to present us with some type of job opportunity that would bring us to the same town. When we were walking through infertility, clearly the hope was for a pregnancy and he came through. This year, however, I have simply stepped in to whatever it is I have felt him calling me to. It looks and feels entirely different. This year, I just keep on having to say, "Lord, whatever it is you have for me, I want it."
It sounds simple but it is incredibly hard. Terrifying most days but so very worth it.
In stepping in, God has helped me step away or distance myself from things or people that are not meant for this season. I say that because in this season, everything often sounds illogical, irresponsible, and downright crazy so it has been pertinent that I am surrounded by those that faithfully encourage the crazy and support the leaps of faith. For those of you that have encouraged us emotionally, materially, and even financially throughout this year, thank you for being conscious of the Holy Spirit and supportive of us pursuing the Lord - no matter what the cost.
I am aware of the people in our lives that fully understand that when God says do something, it is time to act and I am surrounded by a tribe of people who believe just as much in God's plans for good for us, and all of His children, as we do.
As I write this, I am still not clear as to where God is leading us and I am even more unclear as to what my particular role is in all of it.
Here is what I know for sure:
1. God has taken care of our family's financial needs in incredible, miraculous, and unexpected ways this entire year. There has not been one month that we have not been able to pay our bills, even during times of minimal to no income from me. (Thank you to those of you who have SO generously given in so many different ways. You are the literal hands and feet of Jesus in providing our daily bread)
*That proves to me that we are walking in the right direction.
2. I have been blessed with the very best partner in walking through our callings and I can see that marriages are made or broken during times like this. Jake has done as much, if not more, stepping in than I have. He can literally do and learn anything. Works endless hours and I have never been more convinced of my husband's love and support of me as an individual and of His absolute faith in God and God's plans for our life. He continues to become an incredible spiritual leader and man of God and I fall more and more in love with Him as a result of it.
*Thank you, Jesus, for being faithful in leading, guiding, and improving our marriage as a result of obedience.
3. When the Lord tells us not to worry, he actually means it. I believe this more and more every single day. He cares about things ranging from date nights, to clothes, to car care. (Thank you to friends who have invited us out or treated us. Thank you also to parents who have visibly seen our need to just focus on marriage and stepped in to watch kids. Thank you to anyone who has given us hand-me-down clothes or toys. They are so wonderful!)
While I don't think that most of you care to read through a thank you list of mine, I hope you see the point of all of this. Regardless of whether or not you have been called to the exact career and path you were made for or called simply to release things or relationships that are unhealthy, God will be faithful.
I've always known that I serve an incredible, powerful, and loving God but I guess there are times I am still surprised at his care and concern over every detail of my life.
Know this, you will encounter seasons of plenty and seasons of little but no matter the season, God is faithful to show up. Today I challenge you to search for and find a way that God has shown up. If you can't find something right away, keep looking, the smallest detail may prove the most meaningful proof of faithfulness.
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