Deep within my soul there is a burning passion to show you all Jesus. It is my deepest heart's desire for everyone I know and love, and everyone I don't know, to get the opportunity to experience the depth and intimate love of Jesus.
There has been a passion ignited within me since the loss of my baby for everyone to understand how deeply loving my Jesus is. I want the world to know just how far He will go to pursue each and every individual here. I want to be a part of that. I don't care if they ever know who I am, I just want them to know who Jesus is. I am perfectly ok with ambiguity and living a low-key servant's life if that is what points to who Jesus is but I am also coming to terms with being seen in order for Jesus to shine.
If you ask anyone that knows me, I have zero fear of public speaking. I have no problem getting up in front of a room, making announcements, going to meetings with people that are considered more important than I am or dining with dignitaries because I know who I am in Christ. If, however, you ask me to stand up in front of you (outside of the safety of behind my computer screen) and talk about my personal life or my personal walk with Jesus, I hesitate. I don't hesitate out of fear but I hesitate simply because who am I to be the messenger? Who am I to share God's work? Who am I to tell people what Jesus can do for them?
I just ran across the message version of Matthew 5:14 as I was doing my devotional and I now realize why I am supposed to allow myself to be seen. Why I am supposed to talk about who Jesus is in my life. In The Message Matthew 5:14 it states, "Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I am going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous father in heaven."
Boom! Everything I have been dealing with spiritually in the last few weeks was just address by that one Bible verse. It is my deepest desire to bring out the "God-colors" in the tapestry of your life. Whether you are able to see them or not, He allows me the opportunity to do so. Through his wisdom and Spirit he allows me glimpses into what He has in store for your life. It is the most precious and sacred spiritual gift I have. He involves me in praying for and knowing the path or good things He has in store for others in order to be encouraging.
A year ago I wrote a post about being the face of something and how Jesus became the face of things he despised in human form so that he could be the savior and greatest sacrifice for those things. It is time that I allow my face to be seen for the thing I love the most in life. Yes, even more than my husband, my children and my family. You can ask them and they will tell you who I love most - Jesus.
I love the line, "We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill," and I realize that it's time I do the same. Truthfully, I don't even know what that means or what that looks like but I know the Lord is telling me, "BE SEEN."
In being seen, I am not showing you the highlight reel of my life but rather my deepest and most difficult moments of faith and pursuit of Jesus. I will allow Jesus to put me on a lamp-stand and be generous with my life and shine. The key part of this verse that struck me the most is the very end. He states, "By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God..." It doesn't state that by opening up with others, people will open up with me and I am coming to terms with that. This is not my work to take credit for - it is His. For the majority of my life I recognize being the crisis person that people go to. I am steady in the midst of most storms because my God is steady. My strength is drawn from something greater than I am, that never fails. More recently, I've been the person going through storms of my own but Jesus' steadiness has never wavered. I want people to experience that same unwavering love. I want people to have the best resource to cling to during the storms of their lives. The most constant, omnipresent, ever powerful, loving and faithful companion during trials.
It feels as though I am rambling writing this a bit but these words and feelings are so strongly stirring within my heart that I want them to be released. I want you all to know my heart and Jesus' deep deep love for you. It brings me to tears simply to think of the people I know getting to experience this love or alternatively, missing out on this love.
It seems ironic that I am vowing to allow myself to "be seen" on the internet like this since I am still behind a computer screen. Trust me, there is purpose in this. I want to be able to look back at this and say, "wow, I didn't even have a clue then what that meant but praise Jesus, He is faithful." Also, for the majority of my writing, I have never known who is paying attention and even still, I don't and I am perfectly fine with that. I want those silent observers and even the spoken ones, to be witness to what God is working on. I want the naysayers and the encouragers to witness God's power. There have been a few times in my life when I've physically felt God stirring and creating something profound around the corner and this is one of them. My friends, Jesus is stirring powerfully within my heart FOR YOU. I am so excited to be a part of what is coming and I hope you will join me expectantly as we wait to see what He has in store for us.
Just as Jeremiah stated, "his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary holding it in; indeed, I cannot."
I cannot hold this in. I cannot hold in the fact that Jesus wants this same incredible, deeply personal, relationship with all of you. Every.Single.One. It's just too powerful not to proclaim.
May you sense the stirring in you today and if you do - pursue it! Jesus is waiting.