Earlier in my blog I wrote about how I don't like to be seen as weak. I have often felt like it is a negative reflection on me as a person and my strength. Ever since I wrote that post however, I have felt myself working on that and focusing less on personal strength but rather focusing on God's strength.
In our small group recently we were talking about joy and how sometimes it feels like it has to be a choice rather than something that just comes naturally. Sometimes there are days when you just don't feel happy. For me, joy is different than happiness. Joy is looking at the things around you and seeing the blessings God has put in your life in the past and present regardless of any negative things happening at the current moment. It is focusing on those things instead of focusing on negativity. When I was sharing that sometimes I need to choose joy my friend asked me a really convicting question.
He said, "do you ever feel like you are just putting up a front?"
Suddenly I understood how what I was saying could come across the wrong way. Luckily, my wonderful husband jumped right in and responded saying he doesn't think anyone could pretend if things are really that hard. If you have a heavy enough burden there is no way you can just pretend to be joyful. It is something that comes from the Holy Spirit and through God's grace. Trust me, there are times when I have felt weak and it is apparent but it is also during those times that I seek God and try to focus on the blessings in my life.
This friend that asked the question is very aware of the fact that we would like to have a baby. He knows what our struggle has been and he knows us both as individuals very well. His question convicted me, not because I was putting up a front but, because I realize how important our reaction and our response to this trial in our life is. Our walks will be a reflection of our faith. It also convicted me in the sense that I know I need to be very real throughout this journey with those that are close to me because I know they are watching. It is important that I be a witness to God's plan for my life and let people witness my walk with God on the good days and bad days. I don't want people to think I am just pretending or acting like I am happy. I want people to know that in spite of what my someday hopes are, my true hope is in my Savior, Jesus Christ-always. Our friend's question will hold me accountable to letting God work through Jake and I as individuals and as husband and wife. Hopefully, while we may not know what God's plan is for our personal life, we are doing everything we can to be active in His plan for reaching those around us.
May God bless you today. May you realize that while you feel like you can't see the movement in your life, there may still be movement in someone else's life as a result of your walk with God. Be strong in your faith, be faithful in your walk and be real in your testimony. Be a witness for Christ in good and bad. You never know who is watching. God is faithful.