This letter is written two days after we learned of the miscarriage of our third baby. Yesterday I had a d&c and today is the first day I am without this child in my womb. This side of heaven I will not get to see this baby's face, hold it in my arms, or see it grow up. This baby is meant for a purpose greater than this world and will be remembered for more than the hurt I have in this moment.
It is written based off of the verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and 1 Corinthians 13:12
Dear Angel baby,
I am fiercely missing you and I didn't even get to meet you. I write you today to promise that I will be patient until the day that I get to meet you and see you in heaven. I want you to know that you have two big brothers that love you dearly and remind me that you are loving us from heaven now. God has been so kind in providing these two angels here for me and your daddy.
I will admit that I am jealous that Jesus gets to sing you your first lullabies and see you learn and grow but it is in a way that helps heal my heart. I know that Jesus is not proud or boastful or rude in having this opportunity before me and that he continues to love me as much as he loves you. I will not demand my own way because I know that it is not meant for me to physically have you on earth so I want to promise you that I will always love you and keep you in my heart. Your memory will stay with me all of my days, and I promise that I will use the memory of you for good, just as Jesus uses everything for our good.
I promise to keep no record of feeling wronged and I will try hard not to be irritable when I am reminded that you are in heaven and not with me here but please give me grace in this. The world can be a hard place and for that reason I am so glad you will never know the depth of hurt that can occur this side of heaven. That provides me so much peace.
I do not rejoice in what feels like such an injustice but I will rejoice that the truth of God's goodness and love will conquer and continue to rule in our hearts, even when we miss you most.
Please know that your daddy and I will never give up our faith in Jesus knowing that you are with him in heaven. We will never lose faith that this experience and loss will be used for good and God's glory and we will remain hopeful that the Lord will allow us the opportunity to meet the next baby he is calling us to bring to our family. Since you went straight to heaven, we will endure through this part of our story but we also know that it means we will be meeting another baby we had not anticipated. Please know our hearts wish we could have met you on this side of heaven but we know that you are meant for a greater purpose in our family's story. We will always remember you.
While "now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflection in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever -- faith, hope, and love -- and the greatest of these is love."
Baby, we don't know the full story now and we may never know but I want you to trust that your mommy and daddy here on earth will always cling to faith in Jesus, hope in His goodness and in eternal life, and so much love. Know that you are dearly loved, fiercely missed, and so treasured.
I love you my dear angel baby. Mommy will always love you, my sweet sweet baby.
May you sing and dance with the angels and celebrate the goodness of God's promises. Know they are stored in my heart and will be kept there as a seal until the day we will all meet again.
I love you my darling angel.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
1 Corinthians 13:12-13
Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever -- faith, hope, and love -- and the greatest of these is love.