Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Receiving A Gift: We're Pregnant

Receiving A Gift: We're Pregnant!

I’m pregnant.  Two words that not long ago felt farther away than my wildest dreams. Two words that so many women say and not always with the same emotion.  Sometimes those words are associated with fear, sadness and anxiety, other times they are associated with surprise, anticipation and disbelief and others they are filled with plan and expectation. 

For me, those two words are said with disbelief, gratitude, joy and reserve. 

You see, this is it.  This is the moment, wait; these are the moments we have been waiting for and dreaming about for years.  I am daily living the miraculous wonder of pregnancy and I couldn’t be more humbled and excited. 

After years of trying and every infertility treatment known to man, WE ARE PREGNANT!! 

As I write this, my heart is so joyful but is heavy and cautious to share this news in a public way because for a long time, infertility was my cross to carry.  In fact, it took me a while to fully accept the fact that I was pregnant.  It wasn’t because my body started changing or because I was having pregnancy symptoms, it was because God graciously opened my eyes through a devotional and pleaded with me to share in His joy in this gift. 

For anyone that has struggled with infertility, you understand what I am saying.  Further, for anyone who has gone through infertility treatments you realize that it is not just a medical diagnosis; it becomes a way of life and consumes not only your thoughts but also demands your actions, your body, your schedule and your full attention.  Because of this you are mentally trained and programmed to think in a certain way, react in a certain way, and guard yourself and your heart. 

Three weeks after we found out I was pregnant I read a devotional about healing. To paraphrase it it noted how certain people in the Bible just received healing and moved on with their life while other people in the Bible had to be asked by God if they WANTED to be healed.  I am in the second half of the group.  My mindset was that just because I am pregnant that does not mean this is going to go well.  Just because I’m a few weeks pregnant does not mean that I will carry to term.  Just because God brought this child in our life temporarily does not mean they will be here permanently.  I anticipated worst-case scenarios day and night.  Finally, God whispered to me, “My child, do you want to accept my healing or remain in your past?  I have given you a gift, please enjoy it and trust me.” 

I have been so caught up in the mindset that infertility creates that I was blind to the healing that God wanted to begin in my heart, my body and my soul.   I had to accept the grace that God had given me. Just like so many people have to accept God’s grace and forgiveness in their own lives.  
The healing and restoration I had been waiting for was already happening; I just had to accept it, live it, and trust in God’s timing. 

So today I tell you that not only have Jake and I been blessed beyond belief by God, we have been blessed to share this journey with so many wonderful doctors, nurses, friends and family.  We are in our first pregnancy journey and no matter what direction God takes our family in, we trust Him and joyfully accept this path that He has laid before us. 

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers.  We only hope we can convey the amount of love, faith, and support we have experienced to our child.  I hope someday they will know just how very loved they already are.  

I’m happy to announce that our someday baby will be arriving in September 2014. 

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