Tuesday, February 19, 2013

What does being crabby do for you? - Nothing!

In the past few days I have been really crabby.  Nothing seems to put me a better mood.  I have had a bad attitude toward everything and everyone.  I feel bad for the people who have been around me during this time because I know that I have not been pleasant company. 

Yours truly has felt like I have a right to be angry and mad at the world.  I know that I struggle with this every year around my birthday; I don’t “feel” like I am in the “right” place in my life.  Then again, I have been so wishy-washy that at times I feel absolutely wonderful where I am.  I just can’t seem to find that peace.  I have decided that it is time to make a new birthday tradition.  A tradition rooted in gratitude, hope and joy.  I don’t want to complain about where I am at or compare my life to others.  I want to be at peace in Dana time.  For those of you that have read this in the past you know that this is something I struggle with and I am sure you are asking, “ok, so what’s the deal, why does this keep coming up?”  I’ll tell you why, because the Devil knows that he can get me with this.  He schemes every year and pounces when I am weak.  Right now, I am committing to changing my attitude before my birthday arrives and I’ve got two whole weeks to prepare for it.  With Christ, I know I can do it. 

 Hebrews 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

In so many of my posts I write that I choose joy and that it takes a conscious effort to remain joyful during times of trial.  For the past few days, I admit that I have not chosen joy.  This is most evident in my relationship with my husband.  He can tell that I have been crabby and upset and he has tried to stay “out of the way” and let me have my time alone in my wallowing.  In the time that has passed my health has deteriorated (in only three days!) proving that bitterness in your soul truly affects every aspect of your life. 

Today I have finally come to the conclusion that self-pity, bitterness, anger, frustration and jealousy serve absolutely no purpose in my life.  They only make me more miserable.  I don’t even like being around myself these days so I am positive that my husband and others close to me don’t enjoy it either.  

Thankfully, God has said, “Enough!  I’ve let you go on like this for three days and now, don’t you see?  It is ruining you.  It is ruining your joy and negatively affecting your relationships and your health.  You are not honoring your husband by sulking like a child.  You are not honoring me by walking around grumbling and complaining.  This is not the life I have called you to live.  Life is so much more abundant when you choose to walk in my grace and be joyful – no matter what your circumstances are.  You are going to be 27, why are you complaining?  I have given you 27 years of life.  I have given you 9,855 mornings of breath and life.  Enough I say.  I am working in your life – just trust me and let me lead you.  You have no idea what is to come so I want you to understand that I am preparing you.  I am preparing you and I am preparing Jake for my plan and my purposes.  Please, just seek me and follow.  I will not lead you astray.”

Well folks, God has put me in my place.  I am ready to blow this pity party and head for higher ground.  Yes, I went on a little detour for a while but now I am back on course and I look forward feeling better mentally and physically.  Thanks for listening.  The pity party is now over and now it is time to move forward.

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