Where I am at:
Spiritually: Honestly, this is a little hard for me to write simply because I know I am not in the best place. I know that the fast is over on Monday and I am getting so antsy to be done. I am not only anxious to be done so that I can eat regular food but part of me is anxious to be done so I don't have this overwhelming expectation that I need to constantly be seeking some type of great epiphany from Christ. Now wait before judging, I realize that that IS NOT where I am supposed to be or even how I am supposed to think or feel as a Christian. Aren't I supposed to be yearning for Christ more and more every day? Aren't I supposed to be pursuing HIS will and HIS plan for my life 24/7? I am admitting to you that I am experiencing fast fatigue. I am experiencing compassion fatigue and I am ready to be still in God's presence. Good or bad, I've been doing this fast waiting for some type of answers from God. I need to remind myself that my motivation should not be to receive something from God but instead to show God that I am willing to sacrifice for him as He did for me. With that confession behind me, I will say that today is a day that I want to lose the expectation or sense of entitlement I have to receive something from God as a result of "good behavior." I want to accept that God's motivation for me doing this fast may solely be that He wants me to draw closer to Him. I want to be content and joyful in the fact that I have spent 18 days focused on my relationship with Christ. And ideally, I want to continue to seek God even after the fast because the best "things" He has given me are grace, mercy, love, and eternal life.
Physically: I am trying my best not to get sick and I am a little bit worn out. I am glad that the weekend has arrived and I will have plenty of time to rest.
Mentally: We are in the home stretch of the fast!! As you can see from above I am wrestling with a few things but I want to finish strong. These are a few Bible verses that come to mind specifically for this aspect of my walk today. "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7 As I said earlier, I don't want to just consider this the end, so I look 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable wreath. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." I am not running for an earthly prize and my faith walk will be judged. It is important that I show others what value this fast has had for me spiritually, answered prayers or not.
Psalm 25:5 Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
John 16:33b In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God ti lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary. Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Goal: While I don't want to be continually asking God for things, I also don't want to lose the everlasting hope that I have in Him. I need to trust again in His timing and be content in his stillness today.
Dear God, today I say thank you for reminding me, even with my struggling heart, of your hope. Thank you simply for the relationship that you and I have together. Thank you for planning my life each second and minute at a time. I am so grateful for your presence in my life and only hope that I can try my best to be more like your Son, Jesus Christ. Be near me today and be with those who are suffering and need you. Please meet everyone where they are at in their sin and thank you for dying to cover those sins. You know my struggles this morning, please take them and release worry from my heart. In your name I pray, amen.