I will preface this entry with a confession that Jake and I broke the fast on Saturday. At the time we decided we had fasted long enough and didn't think a day and a half would make that much of a difference. Let me tell you how convicted I was that night. As I laid in bed I felt so bad for not keeping the fast the full 21 days. After all, we had made it so far. My reasons for breaking the fast were purely selfish and honestly I probably could have resisted the temptations but I didn't. A few thoughts that came to mind after we broke the fast were, who am I that I can't fast for an entire 21 days when Christ lived and moved on earth for the sole purpose of bringing honor and glory to the father? Why do I feel the right to cut honoring God through sacrifice short? Who am I to diminish the sacrifice and struggles God went through while praying and fasting on earth? Nonetheless, God reached down and spoke to me on that day in spite of disappointment.
I get an email every day from Bible Gateway with the Verse of the Day. On Saturday the verse of the day was James 4:10, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor." After reading that I was reminded of God's grace and forgiveness, his care and compassion. I prayed a prayer of confession to Him and apologized for my caving to my selfish earthly desires, like meat. (How silly does that sound when you read it? I wanted to eat fish tacos more than I wanted to honor God....lame!) Regardless, God still loves me even though I quit the fast early. He still cares about my prayers and worries. He still welcomes me with open arms. How blessed are we that God does not hold our sins over our heads? What a blessing it is that He refines us and sifts out the bad in our lives. I know I have said a few times that I've been waiting for this epiphany throughout the fast but in "quitting" early, God chose to use those moments to draw me closest to Him. Fast or no fast, God still wants me. He still wants each one of us. Fast or no fast, He has good plans for me and for my life. Fast or no fast, His will guides my path. Fast or no fast, He is still my father.
As much as I wish I could have written this post with a giant exclamation point saying "WE SURVIVED 21 DAYS!!", I can't. BUT, it is through humbling myself before you and God that I am showing God my love for him. I hope that you all can learn from my lack of will power on day 19. God is greater and worth far more than any earthly thing. God is the ultimate prize! Don't let yourself get distracted by the Devil's schemes and if you do - turn right back around and throw them in the Devil's face! Use your weakness as an opportunity for God to mold you and strengthen you into something better. Show the Devil that what he promises is nowhere near the value of God's promises in your life. Humble yourself before God and show Him that HE is everything.
Finally, thank you. Thank you for being an invisible accountability group to me. Thank you for letting my humble myself before you and God. To those of you that read this and have followed my journey throughout this fast, I apologize if I've disappointed you but I think this serves as a good reminder that I am not perfect. I struggle with weakness and temptation just like the rest of you and it is through times like Saturday that God teaches me some of the most valuable lessons. Don't let your weakness define you. Let God use your weakness to mold you. I'm grateful for the lesson I learned this weekend and I hope you learn something from my actions also.
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